Kitty Institute Charity Fete

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Kitty Institute Charity Fete

Well, the day dawned sunny and bright. I would have liked to stay at home rolling around in the sun, but no, I had made my commitments to go to the charity fete at the Kitty Institute. Armed with my jam I set off on Josephine, my chickster o5.

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Pûnkass, Muffins and O were already there, helping to set up the stalls and the stage and Kirsch soon rolled up in her Beetle, Bunty, laden with her cakes. After we had given Jojo and Bunty some water and had a few glasses of sherry ourselves, we set up our stall. I told Kirsch that to win the cake competition she must know the favourite joke of the kitty institute.

At 2 o’clock noon I think that was, everyone arrived and lined up to come in. O had gone outside to meet Miss Casey. Pûnkass had the very trustworthy job of taking the entrance fee money and he insisted that O pay to get in, even though O helped with the setting up. O was very amiable about this and proclaimed that ‘yes why not, after all we will all be old kitties one day too’.

How charitable of O, I thought to myself. So, I went back out again myself on hearing that, but then had second thoughts and slipped back under the banner again. I was doing enough I thought, yes. Lets not overdo it, no.

We all proclaimed our wares. I shouted in my best cockney accent like I have seen the market traders do on TV. Muffins screeched a few McFluff songs to draw attention to the t-shirts and Kirsch seemed very quiet, I think she was thinking about Bunty because she hadn’t parked her in the shade, no. I reassured her that beetles like the sun. And we were all doing very well with our sales.

I am afraid that even at that early stage O had eaten too much cake, lost his bandana and Miss Casey to boot and was out quite cold!

Then! Trading Standards turned up!!!

Muffins is just too honest and someone had got wind of our capers and called them, mm. What a predicament! Pûnkass politely explained to them that this was a charity festival and it was in aid of charity and all for a good cause. Kirsch and I did some nifty pole dancing around our stalls to try to distract them, but they were having none of it, no.

So, Muffins, knowing how these things work, offered the gentlemen a couple of free t-shirts, which they gratefully accepted and went on their way to have an ice-cream, What a reliefm that all we were doing for charity wasn’t stopped!

My wares went like hot cakes and so did Kirsch’s. I am a little perturbed that I was caught unprepared by the paparazzi without having done my hair first, there will be no exclusives for them in the future, no.

Kirsch was still wondering what the joke was all about, poor Kirsch, I shouldn’t have teased her, I’m still not sure if she knows what it is.

Oh dear, I realised that I had sold all my jam and couldn’t enter the best jam contest, but Kirsch made a lovely cake, Goodness, what ingenuity, the judges had never seen anything so inventive in their lives before now. Kirsch is surely a natural at this business. She had made a cake out of sponge, my jam and buttercream. It was entitled ‘Self-Portrait in Cake’. What a nice silver platter as well.

How clever she is, my paws hurt from all the clapping I did for her. Would you just look at the way those marzipan fish were arranged as a decoration on the plate?

However, the proof of the pudding is in the eating and Kirsch’s buttercream tasted rancid the judges said. I exclaimed that this could not be true!

“Give me sum of that” I said, and marched up and stuck my spoon right in Kirsch’s cake’s tummy, ewww it was rather bitter.

Only joking! Of course the judges didn’t say that really! They loved it, “mouth watering! They all drooled, spittle drooling down their chops and there was quite a puddle on the floor what with all their purring as well. Of course, she won first prize, it could be no other way could it, no. And we can all see what a great likeness this ‘Self – Portrait in Cake’ is, as depicted here, mm, fabulous.

Now we had to do our acoustic gig, because the old gidders don’t like too much noise, no. I took my pinny off and joined Pûnkass on stage.

However, no one had told Easy Pussy that crowd surfing wasn’t customary at acoustic gigs, but no one really minded and Easy had a great time with her new found independance. Infact, it just goes to show that you shouldn’t need to be in a relationship to have a good time, no. She is inspirational to all us c0-dependant cats, yez.

And look at Miss Casey’s lovely new bow. O had to go and buy another bandana to stop his head getting sunburnt and he bought this lovely bow for Miss Casey too. She was on hand to remind me of the words to the songs because I had drunk so much sherry throughout the day, I was quite giddy myself! I don’t know, these old kitties, they are a bad influences, I don’t know how they knock back that sherry like they do, years of practise I presume

Pûnkass had to learn the 12 string overnight and did very well, he is a south pawed cat so plays with his left paw, yes. But it sounded great to me, mm. What a lovely time we had, but that is not the end of it!

Apart from giving my aching paws a nice rub when we got home to my pad, I found that today when I looked at the pictures that there is a strange anomalee, mm! behind me, I am convinced of it, is the ghost of Miss Kitty. She spent her retirement years at the old Kitty’s Home and must have come along to show her support for the McFluff event!

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Pics by Sims/Scozz/Devonx unless otherwise indicated

Thanks to Lee and all of Pûnkass and Ellie's friends for their inspiration!